i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk is not a location!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
