They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
