I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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