Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
