he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
