Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think your dad took our porno
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?