I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.