i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up