Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
