the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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