apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
