i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
