Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
