why didn't you poke me back
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
