Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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