drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
