ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
