I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
