you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
