so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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