I just cut my nipple shaving
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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