oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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