I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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