before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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