look no pants
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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