Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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