as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
