And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
