Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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