I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
