Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
