You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
