When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
