you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
