I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
