Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
