Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
