I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
