ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
