I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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