spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I understand Curling. That high.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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