found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
