I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
