Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
