Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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