I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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