Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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