Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
