I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
