This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
