I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
