I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
