I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
