I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
