no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
