The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The adults are the big ones right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
