Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
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Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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