Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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