I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dicks are not precious.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
