when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
