i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
