In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
